Maybe...

The heart is really stupid that way, it understands no logic, and it knows no consequence. It lives on a short selling dream.

It makes you gulp the last beer, when you know this will cost you more than you can pay, it makes you pick the best shirt, when you know your card limit is way overdue, it makes you kill time and spend those extra hours…just waiting.. .

Maybe the heart was designed to be stupid, because no amount intelligence can make up for how naturally foolish it can really get.

But , maybe we are not supposed to be happy,maybe he had it all planned, he gave us tools like love and gratitude to help us find happiness.But then again, maybe love is only an illusion; Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful is just being selfish. Maybe it is recognizing what you have for what it takes. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human.

But everyday, somewhere each one of us has a reason to celebrate, for we had the courage to be standing still. To be a survivor in this battle called life.

But what does one do, when you loose the battle. When your heart wrenches to reach out and jump with joy and it never happens, when you wait for that message and it never comes, when you browse through your mail every morning and there is nothing. What do you do, when you want to say it all, scream your heart out and fear takes in?

What you do, is make a choice. A choice which will be a descion to change things, a resolution; a promise to yourself. And at some point we all make a decision, because boundaries don’t keep people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, so make your peace with it! The choice is that, we can spend our lives drawing lines or we can live it crossing them.

But the truth is, there are some lines, which are dangerous to cross, and it these lines we don’t draw, neither do we choose to cross.
The truth is, there are something’s you can’t escape, and other things you don’t want to know.

But the truth about truth is that it hurts and therefore everyone lies. Everyone hides.

What I know is simple. Pleasure is good and Pain is bad, and no pain is better. But, the reality is that pain is there to tell me something,and maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.

And the reality for me is just faith.Some day I will realize, that life is not what you dreamt and that its not important to live happily everafter. Someday I will see that once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while, a part of that fairytale will come true.

Blessed…

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you

(Matthew 5 The Sermon on the Mount)


I am not a pacifist, and I refuse to turn the other cheek, when slapped on one. But, I also can’t bridge the gap between what is faith and what is known. There is no chapter on proof, in the Vedas. I believe humans were not intended to be skeptic. No one asks for a justification. Yes, man is still considered rational.

But I know not what I feel, when I read of the killings in Chattisgarh. Reminds me of the of the Jallianwala Bagh Massacre, I read in history and I wondered, how ghastly would a man’s psyche have to be, to have to open fire on innocent people, and its not 1919 anymore, but the thoughts are the same.

But, Should I talk about the killing of 11 unarmed protestors in Nandigram by police fire or the killing of 49 policemen by naxal fire? Reality Check thinks that the killings of the policemen are more shocking because the police represent the states’ monopoly over the use of violence (or in this case, the lack thereof). The monopoly over the use of force is the bedrock on which countries are built.

But, I am not here to challenge reality all I know is,there has been a mass killing, there has been a massacre, a state sponsored blood war. History does repeat itself.

One page of today’s news paper has all shades of this nation, a funeral for the men who were killed in the horrendous Maoists attack, a communist party reconciling with a massacre over a capitalist dream, an esteemed Supreme Court judge breaking down in public over allegations on his ethical character- a delayed verdict, a city struggling with basic problems of water, and a cricket super hero taking pleasure in the awe of his fans.


I believe this country’s emotions are as fragmented as this post and I don’t think I can really write anything more as; I wallow in my painless grief.

As a friend says very rightly’ Industrialization is about progress not regress’. But who will tell this, to the ‘uneducated’ literate bastards.

If killing is democracy …I am not Democratic!

Random Thoughts...

(*read at your own risk)


7:00 am: Earsplitting alarm, unsteady walk, hangover, still sleepy, can’t think, no plans, no thoughts, just fighting…fighting to get out of bed.


9:00 am: Wide awake, city’s a buzz, can sense the enthusiasm, can sense the frustration, can smell it… smell the chai,
I have an agenda, things to do, people to meet, work, presentation, now I am fighting…fighting the urgency, gotta meet someone!


12:00 pm: Yippee my presentations are done, grueling month, skipped lunches, tea breaks, We get a ‘good show’. now relieved, now sleepy, now I am fighting…fighting to stay awake, gotta meet someone too!

5:00 pm: Chai again, wasted hours, clichéd chats, nostalgic discussions, revelations, everything’s fine, I am fighting …fighting to stay awake. Someone to meet still!

8:00 pm: In a lecture, not interested, no conscience, unmoving, heavy eye-lids, no compromise, still fighting…fighting to stay awake. Someone to meet still!

9:00 pm…time to go home! End of a day, dinner and drinks, fluffing the pillow, reading a book, couldn’t meet someone…again!

… just a frivolous message….
and so it ends.