Wishlist..

I wish sometimes I could leave the room and be in it at the same time

I wish sometimes I could say things to people just to know how they would feel and then turn back time

I wish advice could be applied as easily as it is given

I wish I knew more often that life is not about people who arent in it, but about thoes who are

I wish I realized sooner that family is not a burden, but a responsibility

I wish sometimes I could die, just so I know how much I would miss the life I now take for granted.

I wish apologies would come easily

I wish love would come even more easily

I wish truth was never so elusive
then again sometimes I wish it is.

I wish I could truly learn from my mistakes

I wish I had no inhibitions

I wish....

Done!

There comes a point of time in your life, when you look at all the choices you made, and it’s not the good ones, it’s always the bad ones you will think about. Because it’s the bad ones that change you and make you realize that there is something wrong, something wrong with those choices.

It takes one friend, 1 bottle of wine, and 1 long night…

This is a confession, and hence I dare but I will say it anyways for I have nothing to loose, I am done!

So when I look at the pattern of the bad choices, I see now I attract the opposite, I see my need for the confused and the immature, the ones who stare at the blank and except it to give you answers, not realizing the answers lie within.

And it all makes sense now, when I have it all figured out in my head, I enjoy the ambiguity the uncertainty that my choices bring. I feel I could do with a bit of irrationality and immaturity. But this approach ends in a sort of pain which is so deep I can’t sense it. I am in denial.

But not anymore…

I am done brooding over my choices, I am done hoping for them, I am done enjoying the ambiguity and I am done with the uncertainty. Anticipation is no fun.

I just need something to happen, I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I'm going to die today.