Here and now

I think I have redeemed myself – alteast a little bit. Though I am mortified at thinking I mite have given someone the right impression.

My friends say that it has to do with the way I am. It’s a lot easier for me being me. (as I believe should be the case with everyone, but if only being true , came without a price…and whole lot of other bullshit)

I almost always give the right impression, when I am conscious of it and I enjoy it too.

Today however I wish I wasn’t as transparent. I wish I never said things as much as I did.

I wish I never called…I wish I never expected… for it never comes about and …with no surprises ...it never did.

But my heart is not broken, and I can’t say that without the feeling of mortification color my neck. I believe I have outpaced these emotional troughs and peaks.

..but if I suffer a little at the end of my desire and a few hidden what ifs run through my head. I owe it all to the fact that I am a woman and I write it down to the inability of the female mind to give up on its favorite fantasy.

Somewhere, I read the theory of commitment and logic constituting what everyone wants to romanticize into love… and I remember dismissing the same logic as frigid .

But then I thought that in , how we all love, loose, move on, love again, marry make babies and dismiss some of our emotions as childish and fleeting lies the proof …of how wise is the concept of “detachment.”

But that silly little thing on which my life runs refuses to go by this logic. I write this now, but tomorrow much like a brain dead person… my heart will take control.

I will smile again, I will wish again…I will daydream, and wonder then if it it will ever come true…

…Can you hear me?....



I have been struggling in the past few days to take some time off and pen down (type out) my thoughts….

..but in the process I have discovered the divine truth of MBA…. in the fear of being caught doing nothing, we take up some of the most frivolous tasks which lead to procrastination of the meaningful ones.

I write today about my thoughts that find root in someone elses...not just anybody though!


In the last few weeks I have had the privilege of sitting through the lectures of some of the great men of my time. Anil Tandon, Y.K.Sabarwal, Narayan Murthy, etc..


I heard them all, talk about the prominence of my nation. I felt the pride.

The pride that we are intelligent, we are unique with our culture, we have survived history, we have been blessed with spirituality, prestigious institutions and great philosophers, we a nation of a billion and counting and are finally visible on the real map of the world.

Unfortunately, I felt like it was all a myth…

Call me a skeptic…but I refuse to celebrate the 9% growth ; while my maid refuses to educate her child.

I refuse to believe that liberalization has done us good while the farmers still continue to take their lives.

I refuse to applaud the prestigious institutes; while the birth of a girl child is still considered as a shame in this nation.

My country's childhood has been traumatic....she has been ruled of her indepenence , she has been raped of her identity, but she still struggles today... be it the himalayan borders or the barren vidharba...

…I am saddened by the Identity crisis my country faces….

We laugh at the political system and the people who run it.

But a country gets the politicians it deserves!! and this laughter signifies denial. Denial due to the fear of our inability to change the system.



Its not funny to me ……not anymore……..