Faith...

One of the things I have often wondered about is - faith . Whether it is really a strength or is it a weakness, whether believing in a higher power who guides you through life is a matter of low self-esteem or there really is something to back it up...

I wonder about this because I believe I have real faith... I'm not fatalistic, but I have faith in the saying that whatever happens…happens for the good..,

I have faith in my God...and no, he's not performed 'miracles' like making things appear from thin air or making things disappear in one touch.. but I have faith, and tremendous amount of it,... and I have faith that whatever is happening in my life, I can't see the broader picture, but there is someone up there (or anywhere for that matter) who can.. he sees the bigger picture... and so the things that you can't explain, the things that you can't control, you just leave it up to faith.. You do what you have to do, and leave the rest upto your faith and believe that things will get better...

I have faith to believe that the choices that I make at every step of my life have a reason behind it…even though I won’t ever be able to tell.

I have faith, in the people I trust … and I have faith in the relationships I make.

I have nothing to prove that faith, except that I believe in it.. and have believed in it for so long that I can't remember life without it…

So then I ponder, is it my weakness that I want to double-check my life constantly with some 'higher power', or is it that such a higher power really exists.. I'm not advocating that someone on earth is God, I'm not propounding that one should blindly believe in what is not apparent... but then when one is educated, has a fairly reasonable 'thinking mind' and then one believes in concepts such as faith, God, guidance - then it can't just be lack of faith in oneself... afterall, 'God' isn't a person who you can talk to, God is an experience.. you experience the presence of a higher power through your life all the time… if only, you watch close enough... everything we do, every choice we make ,forms a pattern…

I'm wondering about all this because there are times in my life when I sit back and wonder about why certain things happened, why my life has been so tough and yet there has always been a silver-lining with every problem that came up. why something that seemed a distant dream, then became a reality.. and my faith is reinforced yet again....


But, I still have nothing to prove it.. .

She...

They say that your entire life flashes before your eyes just when your about to die. I think the same applies for goodbyes too.

Because, right there when I had just a few minutes before I could say goodbye, did our whole journey together flashed before my eyes. It’s a real case in point of how we met; two totally different people became inseparable forever.

I've heard that it's possible to grow up, but us… we never grew up and I don’t think we ever will... we have lived our lives like there’s always tomorrow, for we wanted to live to get more, this was mainly her, she had ambition – oodles of it!!, we have broken the rules and we have made some for ourselves. We have thrown tantrums when things didn’t go our way, we have hidden secrets, we have shared secrets,, we have looked for comfort where we cant find it, and we hoped for everything – we have dreamt like little girls - and we have seen it come true, against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we have never given up…

And…with her I don’t think I ever will, she can fill you up with hope and faith even on days she feels helpless but she will never show it. She can sometimes be brave and never admit it. She is not the best at taking compliments and never runs out of giving others any. She is someone who can lend a thousand to a stranger, she is someone who can compliment a stranger,(remember the coffee shop).She is a blessing to the people she is nice to, and for those who piss her off… (save your souls).. and for those who don’t know her….. you have no idea what your missing out on.

And as I stood there, trying to say goodbye, I said a little prayer.. for all the times we have had. (bad relationships, bad breakups, bad dates, good times at leos, stay overs and movies, dosa and addai, daman and due, Mumbai trains, Mumbai rains, chezzy pick up lines, vengeful ex’s, bitchy friends, lieing at home, blind dates.. first beer, first shots, shopping sprees, brrowing money on broke days,....). and all the times we will share.

.....Go on and live your dream, …. !